Old Boys get "switched" off

MATCH REPORT BY IAN COMINS

I have been asked to write a match report of 100 words to summarise last night and help to prepare us for the knock out stages. Following our 8-3 reversal as a result of an experiment by the gaffa to play defenders up front and forwards at the back there were few bright spots although a lot of fun. Two goals from the left boot of Jess "the Flamingo" Shakespeare were of particular note, as was the calm finish by Ian "Hemmingway" Comins. Anyway, Dolly the sheep is now not the latest in a line of experiments that started with Frankenstein that went horribly wrong but here is my match report:

Maradona, Di Stefano, Pele, Cruyff, Van Basten, Gullit, Zidane, Gento, Puskas, Roberto Baggio, Torpedo Muller, Zico, Bergkamp, Eusebio, Futre, Blokhin, Breitner, Cabrini, Conti, Elkjaer, Laudrup, Garrincha, Gascoigne, Francescoli, Matthaus, Beto Alonso, Gigi Riva, Rossi, Antognoni, Beckenbauer, Bobby Charlton, George Best, Giggs, Kempes, Boniek, Romario, Bonhof, Dominic Whitaker, Careca, Jarzinho, Cantona, Cafu, Luis Suarez, Kubala, Deyna, Didi, Eder, Donadoni, Redondo, Hagi, Haan, Uli Hoeness, Dalglish, Rummenigge, Keegan, Kopa, Tigana, Guardiola, Rivelino, Mazzola, Schuster, Falcao, Hugo Sanchez, Ronald Koeman, Magico Gonzalez, Mauro Silva, Maldini, Franco Baresi, Panenka, Bebeto, Overath, Tostao, Waddle and Zola would not have liked this match. Nor did I.