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30 Jun 2009 - King's Sports Centre, Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands
As it turns out, it meant that the EB subconsciously missed the second game of the season and the first in the red Thistle Construction away kit. It had been an eagerly anticipated game, Elliott back in following his stint with the national team but Henshaw out, doing his stint for the matrimonial team. Still no debut for the work bound Addison, and with Gardner still out, looking after his interests on the Costa del Sol, the Old Boys were not considered at their strongest. The opponents were Caybrew, a new venture in the league who allegedly prepared for each game with a couple of their name sakes and a cheeky shot each. Punchy and very much admired by the EB, it was to be an interesting encounter.
As the EB was wrestling with it's own demons from within, and the foggy effects as the lizard poo wreaked it's untold magic, certain events did filter through to the core of the EBs soul. It was largely to do with men in uniforms, sirens and flashing lights. It wasn't a flashback to that intrepid evening when the EB had agreed to accompany Chiazza to the Gentlemen's Club where medium sized shorts were mandatory, it wasn't a flashback to the last day out with Elliot and the swift introduction to a police holding cell, it was oddly enough centred around the search for a missing Aussie masquerading as a Kiwi. Cross had allegedly been spotted warming up before the game and had then disappeared. Following the proliferation of Middle Eastern betting syndicates in world football and the increase in global interest of the Old Boys, there was genuine concern that the new signing had been kidnapped or at least whisked off to sign for the Gallacticos. However, much to the EBs relief, once the mist had cleared, Cross turned up, following a nationwide search, safely ensconced in his office. By himself. Not with a sheep or any illegal substances. At all.
With there being too much excitement already in the addled life of the EB, it is only fair that someone else recounts the events of last night. Fortunately, renowned football expert and commentator, Bobby Robson was on hand to provide his expert summary; "I played cricket for my local village. It was 40 overs per side, and the team that had the most runs won. It was that sort of football." And thus it was that kind of football, twelve nil, a cricket score and just one run less than the Old Boys best ever performance. With goals coming from Cummings (4), Gaffing (3), yes Gaffing, Chiazza (2), Elliott (2), and Ludford-Thomas, the EB is too tired to do its work properly and wants to go back to its dark place, so will leave you with the skysports news ticker showing the goals. ... 15 mins Old Boys 1-0 Gaffing, straight in from a corner, left side, left foot to top right corner ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Cross missing presumed kidnapped ... 17 mins Old Boys 2-0, Chiazza, left top of the box, shot deflected of keeper to top left corner ... 21 mins Ludford-Thomas, 3v2 break, Elliott pass to Ludford-Thomas on right, shot to far post with right ... 25 mins half time Old Boys 3-0 ... 30 mins Old Boys 4-0, Cummings, left side shot with keeper off his left, rebound back and shot into open net ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Cross underwear located on popular nudist beach and toilet stolen from GT nick, police say they've got nothing to go on ... 34 mins Old Boys 5-0, Gaffing, passing move on the break, shot with left to right far post ... 37 mins Old Boys 6-0, Chiazza, cross court through ball, 25 yard run, first time shot with left with keeper advancing, middle of the goal, ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Cross sited stacking shelves in Croyden Tescos with Elvis ... 40 mins Old Boys 7-0, Gaffing, ball bouncing around, falls to Gaffing top right of box, left foot to low right of goal, ... 41 mins Old Boys 8-0, Cummings, on the break, left side, opened body & right foot shoot to far post low ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Lord Lucan confirms Cross still alive ... 43 mins Old Boys 9-0, Elliot, 1-2 with Blenkinsop, right foot rocket top of the box right side to left side of goal ... 44 mins Old Boys 10-0, Elliot, robbed the ball in midfield, carried to top of box and shot high to middle of the goal ... 46 mins Old Boys 11-0, Cummings, right side on the break, one touch then shot, right foot to far post high ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Cross ransom note produced by Osama Bin Laden... 48 mins Old Boys 5-0, Cummings, ball from defence, beat defender, shot from against the boards to far post, low and hard ... 12-0 Final Score ... *NEWSFLASH* ... Cross ... Cross ... he's fine ... |
