Tom Elliot 4th, 5th 6th & 7th - Season   Daniel Cummings 8th, 9th & 10th - Season   Joe Chiazza 3rd, 4th & 5th - Season   Tim Ludford-Thomas 3rd & 4th - Season   Ian Comins 1st & 2nd - Season

28 July 2009 - King's Sports Centre, Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands
As you all know, the EB is an uneducated drop out whose idea of culture is to study whatever is growing between his toes and who's idea of literature is limited to magazines that are bought purely for the articles and not at all for the images of scantily clad (who are we kidding? naked) women performing unspeakable acts with animals. So it came as a surprise that after the 14-0 victory by the OBs over BDO last night the EBs mind turned to poetry, and not the "There was an old man from Brazil ..." kind but real poetry, liked by Michelangelo and honed by Shakespeare. Yes, the sonnets, 14 lines of poetry that captivate the mind and soul while telling a story of life and often love. Shakespeare's use of them in Romeo and Juliet is probably the best known examples to those who didn't have to wear a blazer to school, and reference here is of course made to the Bard and not the OBs blonde monaped of the same name who probably spent more time last night missing a bovines rear end with a musical instrument then his 16th Century counterpart spent writing his "comedies".

So, it got the EB thinking, what better way to commemorate the OBs highest score than with a sonnet? After the degradation of the past, it would be nice for the EB to drag itself out of the gutter and show that every once in awhile it can rub shoulders with proper writers. And there ladies and gentlemen, is the reason for the delay in the match report being published. Clearly not educated that much; to the EB blazers were the news kids, so called because they were set fire to on their first day, the EB was unaware that it wasn't just fourteen lines with a rhyming pattern. This alone would have been achievable even after several tokes on the iguana dung, but there was also syllabic rhyming possibly involving iambic pentameters and it was at this point that the sonnet idea was lost. Such expressions of love should be reserved for the love of one's life anyway.

But there's still the expectation that the EB deliver, and it turned to the number fourteen for inspiration. Often favoured by the Roman's in ancient Greece, it has been a lucky number through out history. The Visigoths only ever attacked in groups of fourteen, the Vikings pillaged using fourteen oared boats, and the marvellous pyramids of Giza actually have fourteen sides, eight of them metaphysical. But it had been the curse of the OBs for so long. Trapped on 13 goals in a game with little indication that this would be beaten. Like the sad tale of Iriasis the water nymph in Pagan legend who had to spend thirteen eternities trapped in her own reflection in a pool of water just outside of Scarborough. Or of the seven dwarves, if they had been full size, they would have been 14. Just achieving such an auspicious target is worthy of note, never mind the manner in which it came about.

Two perfect seven halves, a clean sheet and two wonderful strikes from Comins who has rightfully named joint man of the match with T Elliott, who also scored a few, were the highlights, especially the first goal for Comins. Having found himself midway through the first half high in the attacking final third closing down their central defender he pounced on a stray pass. Sadly, another BDO defender, who also had the same desire to get to the ball, decided to lead with their shoulder and charged. Comins, oblivious to the intentions of the marauder only had eyes for his first goal of the season. As he reached the ball, the defender cannoned into him and bounced in shock and a perfect arc, sideways. In a moment of comedy that has already made OB folklore, Comins stared incredulously at the stricken defender, sprawled some distance away, and then turned and placed the ball from fifteen yards in to the bottom corner. As he jogged back expressionless, Comins had to pass for a second time the unfortunate foe throwing him a brief questioning glance and then made his way to his own half with the laughter of the opposition bench and the referees in his ears.

But the description of this goal is doing disservice to a wonderful team performance that culminated in another Comins goal in the second half. Having won the ball at the back with an interception he advanced forward looking to bring others into the game. Gaffin showed amazing presence of mind to sidestep and Comins was free crossing the half way line down the left hand side. As he moved, the supporters held their breath for a special moment, his goal in the first half was good, but was this going to be the goal of the season that would mean that the trophy stays with Comins? Only the team can decide. A left foot rocket was enough for Comins, who the EB notes, has been surprisingly quiet about his two goal haul, the first time in his OB career. Talent and modesty is a rare commodity and the EB salutes you. Not much of note happened for the rest of the game.

For the record, Cummings opened the scoring, his first since coming back from vacation. Chiazza, also back from vacation quickly added a brace which goes to show that vacations obviously work. Both players came back heavier and slower but with a desire burning inside quicker than the calories. T Elliot then added his first of the night before Comins got his first. T Elliott then Cummings wrapped up the first half scoring. Second half started in a similar pattern, T Elliot, then Comins, then T Elliott, then Ludford-Thomas then Cummings, then Ludford-Thomas and then Chiazza wrapped it up with his now trade mark Italian Stallion hammer that threatened to burst from his boy shorts on more than one occasion. Five different goal scorers, T Elliot being the pick with four, Chiazza and Cummings chipping in with hatricks and proven goalscorers Comins and Ludford-Thomas each adding a brace made it a very rewarding team performance. It was also a quality performance from the defence of Roughead, Whitaker, Comins and L Elliott which meant that Henshaw kept his career stats of clean sheets going, deputising for the injured Sives who had had an altercation with a charging rhino at the weekend and was nursing a leg deader than corduroy drain pipes.

The EB is not prone to fortune telling and is in no position to comment on what the future holds for this OB team but with Addison, Blenkinsop, Cross and Gardner still to return, the future looks strong. Never before has a squad of such talent and depth been put together in OB colours. Let's hope that football benefits by making these legends and they remember that it's a team that wins and scores. As the Epicurean legend goes, 14 is only the closest step to 15 and self enlightenment.